Problems attached to Inter Caste Marriage and ways to handle

14 Apr

Caste system has been a rigid part of Indian customs since ages. It is an evil that has made the rules and regulations of the Hindu tradition biased and unfair. Discrimination based on the caste system has ruined the society and created differences among the people belonging to different castes. Marriage is a sacred institution especially in context of Indian customs. Even when the world has become so advanced there are people who follow strict caste rules. Marriages in the Hindu society are caste driven; inter-caste marriages are considered to be a sin and are not approved by the elders.

Why inter-caste marriages are rejected in India?

There are various reasons because of which elders in the Hindu society flinch away from inter-caste marriages like:

  • They fear of the societal norms and social standing
  • Loss of reputation
  • The cultural difference- they believe that the couple will not be able to settle down and religiously follow each other’s culture
  • They believe that the children born out of the inter-caste marriage will not be perfect
  • Torture that the family and the couple has to face at the hands of the society

The ill-effects of not approving the inter-caste marriages:

  • Hampering the growth of the society
  • Create fissures among different social groups and castes
  • Poses a threat to the national unity
  • Various love couples either end their life or are killed

What steps can be taken to convince the people to accept the inter-caste marriages trend?

It is the responsibility of the younger generation to make their elders realize that the rigid caste system is morbid and has a dark future ahead. The youngsters can take various steps on their part to demolish this system:

  • The girl or boy should be introduced as a friend to the family and be allowed to earn their love and respect
  • The qualities of the person you love should be highlighted in front of the family members
  • Try and learn the customs of each other’s caste. This will enable you to earn the love of the family members
  • Try and show your family members how this kind of systems are obstructing the progress of the nation

Steps that have been already taken:

  • Government of India has made different laws to encourage inter-caste marriages
  • Social activists and groups are actively contributing to the create awareness among the people of the hazards of not accepting the inter-caste-marriages
  • Movies, plays, street plays, demonstrations, etc. have been used to demonstrate that inter-caste marriages should be allowed

Even after so much is done to curb this system yet it remains a social taboo. People of all castes have to stand together and fight this evil. Our write up is an effort to make you aware of the problems that are caused when inter-caste marriages are not accepted and is also an attempt to give suggestions to tackle them.

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61 Responses to “Problems attached to Inter Caste Marriage and ways to handle”

  1. gearge ahhss June 24, 2010 at 3:06 pm #

    Let us go to work as your event planners, this is what we do ( I loved your article, great job).

  2. Samiran Patgiri June 29, 2010 at 4:18 pm #

    Thanks for good post. Suggestions given are good but some more suggestions can be made to convince the parents. Gaining a strong knowledge about the background of the parents can really make a good impression.

  3. pharmacy technician certification June 30, 2010 at 7:56 pm #

    My cousin recommended this blog and she was totally right keep up the fantastic work! Thanks

  4. Leontine Carpio July 4, 2010 at 3:49 pm #

    Thanks for posting this… Its really a good article..

  5. Jenna Kirkhart July 5, 2010 at 5:26 pm #

    Thanks for that great article.!

  6. Zack Worthan July 5, 2010 at 11:41 pm #

    Thanks for posting.. Its really a good article..

  7. devashish kotnala November 5, 2010 at 6:12 pm #

    Very very nice message to all of us

    Inter-caste marriages should be respected and accepted.

  8. Shahnawaz November 17, 2010 at 7:06 pm #

    Inter caste marriage will prove the real meaning of love.
    Thanks for sharing..

  9. manu December 1, 2010 at 4:06 am #

    thanxxxxxxxx………….
    u r doing gr8 job by helping all who love each other but belong to different castes……….

  10. Biswa January 6, 2011 at 11:33 am #

    I think more movies specially on the intercaste marriage should be produced. For example the story like the “TWO STATES” by Chetan Bhagat.
    Govt. should take more initiatives to promote and encourage intercaste marriage by launching frequent awareness AD on all the Indian TV channels.
    Media should propagate the myths and the superstitious reasons on the basis of which people generally consider intercaste marriage as Taboo.

  11. skoshy April 4, 2011 at 10:27 am #

    The article is really very good. Inspite of all the awareness trying to be given, inter caste marriages are not accepted by many families.
    Can you please suggest some more ways of convincing parents for this.

  12. Dia April 18, 2011 at 12:43 pm #

    Can fully understand the significance of this article as a similar story is playing out in my life right now.. thanks for sharing..

  13. sandip singh April 29, 2011 at 10:38 am #

    Inter-cast marriage make us understand d truly meaning of love,,

  14. Darshak April 30, 2011 at 7:20 pm #

    This is undoubtedly a good post. At least it tempts the people to think about it. Yes, it is the fear of the social reactions which is forcing our elders to take a negative stand on inter-caste marriages.
    Of course they were brought up in such a society. It seems they are committed to follow these rules. But it doesn’t mean that those practises need to be followed by the generations to come. Even the people who talk a lot in favour of this in public, hardly agrees to do so when they themselves happens to face such a situation in their own family. And the most pathetic thing is that they consider the breakup of such relationships as a sacrifice to be done for the sake of the society. Then it is up to the children to change their thoughts. And in most cases the children in such communities don’t have the voice to speak in this regard. The intensity varies depending on the communities. But at the end of the day, what really matters is the happiness of the son/daughter. Or is it their “social commitment”?!!

  15. Jennifer Lopez May 17, 2011 at 5:47 am #

    This article is really good I like it.

  16. Vinod July 8, 2011 at 6:11 pm #

    This Article is really good. I like it…

  17. Monica August 11, 2011 at 10:27 am #

    Thanks for such a good post!

  18. Aman Bhardwaj August 24, 2011 at 6:29 am #

    Awesome blog! Keep posting.

  19. Vikas September 8, 2011 at 2:07 pm #

    Very helpful post. I really does the job of bringing some hope into the lives of couples from different castes. Earlier days there used to various communities and societies for different castes. For example, a rajasthani school would allow only marwadi students. So they would only interact with people of their own caste. Now in a multicultural setting, teenagers meet and become friends with people of not only different caste but also different religion. So it is quite obvious that intercaste relationships are going to be formed. So if parents are really worried about their daughter or son interacting with people from different castes they shouldn’t send them to colleges. I might sound rude but imagine you keep a jar full of chocolates in front of a kid is it possible that the kid wont even take one?

    Parents should open their minds and ACCEPT the multicultural society they have sent their kids into.

  20. nawaz khan September 15, 2011 at 6:14 pm #

    This article is very useful to understand the problem and how to resolve them………good one

  21. prashan October 2, 2011 at 7:33 am #

    ya!! this is really a very gud article and help those lovers which are belongs to different caste… thanks 4 dis article.

  22. Rahul Patil October 6, 2011 at 6:54 am #

    Good Article . . . Go with true and strait way, understand the real problem of parents of both side, and by self find the real answer and respectfully request them . . . . One time will come you meet your Love . . . . In any extreme condition if you done marriage without permission of parent than you should have to join with parents, this should have future target of your love . . . . In true way nature co-operates at every turn . . . . go true and strait way . . . .

  23. Vicky October 18, 2011 at 7:14 pm #

    Really loved this ARTICLE …..

  24. shyju November 7, 2011 at 9:32 am #

    ya really its nice post… this kind of posts gives more courage to youngsters like us.

  25. Shivakumar K L November 9, 2011 at 4:33 am #

    I felt bit relaxed after reading this article… good attempt.

  26. KUMAR ANUKUL November 14, 2011 at 3:13 pm #

    Thanks!
    As far as my opinion is concerned There are some advantages include on this.

  27. lokeshgowda November 29, 2011 at 6:41 pm #

    Really nice article. I like it!

  28. Renjith December 23, 2011 at 9:35 am #

    This is a good read. Inter caste marriages should happen and let slowly slowly the boundaries of caste religion be broken.

  29. Ayushmita Arokiasamy December 29, 2011 at 3:47 am #

    My parents are from different caste and got married.They are lucky to have understanding and open- minded parents who approved their love.Well, I always feel proud to born in a inter caste family……my father is a gounder whereas my mom is pandaram

  30. n January 10, 2012 at 6:13 am #

    hope this evil is removed soon….

  31. yuri January 13, 2012 at 6:00 am #

    Thank you for your good post. I have been searching for this kind of articles for my part of the studies… keep posting!!!

  32. Raina Ajmera January 22, 2012 at 5:15 pm #

    For how many more centuries will we keep referring to adult men and women as boy and girl?
    Does anyone have any conclusive stats to prove that people who marry “within their own caste” are happier and have more successful marriages?
    Why is “what will people say” so important to Indians?
    Why are Indian men so insecure and so tightly tied to their mother’s “pallu’s”?
    Why are parents of men so petrified of the presence of a new bride/woman in their sons’ lives that they have to make her as uncomfortable and unhappy as possible by constantly criticizing and expecting her to adapt in days to their “better” ways?
    Why are urban Indian educated women so desperate to NOT be willing to adapt to a married state of life and behave as if every bit of adaptation is a huge compromise/sacrifice on their part?
    Why do Indian parents constantly keep tabs on their married “children’s” lives and want daily and 12 hourly status reports?

  33. PANKAJ CHAUDHARI February 10, 2012 at 4:44 pm #

    Its Nice Post… But its takes lot more time to Understand to our Rude & Blind Belief People… So if they Read… May god bless him…… Nice Post..

  34. Prvn February 13, 2012 at 8:23 am #

    Caste sys. should be abolished …spread and accept love without the feeling of castelism….
    Todays occupation must be the caste of people….

  35. atesh February 15, 2012 at 5:00 pm #

    hope our elders should learn that true love if united brings happiness and it doesn’t sees any caste barriers!

  36. ILoveSakshi February 26, 2012 at 9:09 am #

    Article is real good , I am going to share it on my Blog I created for my love….We are in same condition. Thanks….. Thumbs Up!

  37. Mayuri February 27, 2012 at 6:00 am #

    Thanks for this great article…! Really intercaste marriages are the signs of existence of true love on the earth.. and also caste system is one of the important obstruction in India’s progression.

  38. Ipsita Chatterjee March 17, 2012 at 7:10 pm #

    I really love this articles this will help me & i love a boy who is from another his family is not accepting me because i am from different cast its really hurt me a lot but this will help me

  39. Ipsita Chatterjee March 17, 2012 at 7:27 pm #

    I really love this article & this will help me because i love a boy who is from another cast & his family is not accepting me because i am from different cast its really hurt me a lot this & he also love me a lot . Really this article will help me . We should do something about this to allow inter-cast marriage

  40. Shona March 18, 2012 at 7:00 pm #

    This article is very nicely portrayed. Stubborn parents may just think of this article as just another article, but for some, it may very well open their eyes for which they were not willing to open up earlier. This article has touched each and every aspect of the current Indian tradition which people have been following since ages. Its still very hard to believe that people being so educated, do not come to terms in-case of inter-caste marriages. Its just about the stature and position that the elders are worried about.
    Request all the people reading this post to actually implement and eradicate this blind belief of inter-case marriages and not just read this post just for the sake of reading.

  41. srinath April 25, 2012 at 6:52 am #

    I like this intercaste marriage.
    Before this marriage,
    three types we have to follow
    1.attachment
    2.mutual understanding
    3.Respect

  42. Lucky April 25, 2012 at 12:17 pm #

    This is a very nice article. I don’t know why parents feel that their son/daughter should marry a partner who is of the same caste.Because of parent’s one wrong decision, the son/daughter has to sacrifice their love.It is high time that people should start believing that caste doesn’t matter in love. It’s the two partners happiness that matters. I hope everyone should implement this thinking in their lives.

  43. Alekhya April 29, 2012 at 10:35 am #

    Nice article..Infact i have followed all the suggestions that are mentioned here(before reading this article itself).I introduced him as a friend.They also liked him very much.when they have known about our relation,they stated that we cheated them.My mother is depressed and staying in relatives home far from me.I am not knowing what to do.

    • sudeepthi June 1, 2012 at 1:46 pm #

      my mother is also acting same,i don’t understand their problem in accepting our love. can’t they see us when we are happy

  44. krutika May 8, 2012 at 3:56 pm #

    i m really happy to read this and this generated a lott of courage within me. after following these casteism people have forgot that there is also a caste which comes on top of everything and thats caste of HUMANITY. In India we dont even have the liberty to do that would make us happy. but its high time now,this generation has to be firm on this. being in a love with a boy of different caste makes me proud now because i will be helping in uniting 2 families from different caste,contributing a little in the well fare of the society too :). friends lets not loose hopes soo early and strive hard to make our relationship successful.

  45. ShaMm May 11, 2012 at 4:50 am #

    this is a good article. But what about the parents who are uneducated? Who don’t know how to read and write. I still beleive that they will not accept it.because they follow their rural tradition even being in cities like hyderabad.

  46. Himanil Saikia May 15, 2012 at 8:44 am #

    Really very nice suggestions… Lets get united and demolish this system…if we all individually try to convince our famillies, then the change is not too far…..

  47. Anna May 22, 2012 at 10:51 pm #

    Is this the same case with getting married with an European or worst?
    I this inter-cast marriage is not gonna be a big issue in 10-20 years when the children of the well educated young generation grow up. But what to do till then? We can’t wait ages for the appreciation of the family, right?

  48. sudeepthi June 1, 2012 at 1:44 pm #

    my parents are showing some silly reasons and telling me to do what ever i feel(but they will not be there withme) i don’t want to get married without their support as my such act would spoil my younger sisters future,pls suggest me.

  49. YOGESH WALUNJKAR June 2, 2012 at 8:10 am #

    this is good message to casteism society.i also suffered from conditions mentioned above .i hope there will be a association of inter cast married peoples in india , by which there is way to approach to association ,for those intercast peoples who does not have any support from society & i also very sad to say that , todays most young generation also suport the cast system .My life achivement or dream is to see castless india ,for that purpose there must be a association for helping suffered intercast persons.

  50. spreadlaughs June 5, 2012 at 7:36 pm #

    I am suffering through the same problem and It has become practically impossible to make both our families See eye to eye. My boyfriend’s brother has stopped all communication with him. Question remains same, why? We’re both well educated well settled in life.

  51. subitha subramanian June 10, 2012 at 7:08 am #

    thank u 4 such a wonderful post. intercast marriages should b encouraged. atleast it wil fill in the gap with lotz of love and undrstandn tat people have created through their castes.

  52. dondee June 13, 2012 at 6:59 am #

    hey….good post and comments too….. but what if its not cz we are afraid to ask our parents….but because we believe that they (the parents) have a right over accepting or rejecting our choice of love?

  53. satyalakshmi June 13, 2012 at 8:57 pm #

    I am groping in the dark to really understand how I behave and react when my daughter declares that she has decided to opt for inter caste marriage. Now it really happened and I am puzzled to think of the consequences. certainly my society does not accept for such a proposal. But my daughter is stead fast and says marriage of her choice or no marriage at all. At the same time she does not like to hurt her mother’s sentiments and prospects of her younger sister who incidentally does not like inter caste marriages at all. In the given situation how my daughter should adopt after marrying her choicest person out of love or just friendship. Further I have a serious doubt whether my daughter is sure of difference between love and friendship.I pray any couple who happened to be of different castes and married for at least a couple of years to let me know how they feel after the lapse of say, one or two years. I need their true and frank expression to really follow the suit. please e mail your experiences and of course your true suggestion as to adjustments that my daughter should keep in mind with the new set of other( caste) consequences. To be more precise the good and bad aspects of this probable mariage.

    • Indian girl September 9, 2012 at 1:36 pm #

      Talk to ur daughter open-minded and if you are sure that she is in love (not mere attraction or friendship), do convince the society and go for her marriage.Also make sure he is a good guy and will take good care of ur daughter.I’m in love with a guy who is of different caste (but we both are hindus) and my parents are not accepting it fearing about degradation of respect in my village & society.I love the guy and my parents a lot & not able to leave either of them.Pls do not keep ur daughter in that position.If at all you are sure that its not love,then make her understand.Good Luck :) May God shows your family the right path :)

    • Dr.Amit December 17, 2012 at 7:43 pm #

      you just need to be bold enuf to say – ” I feel that happiness of my children is more important to me than the so called pseudo-SAMAAJ “..
      “Those who wish to understand it are welcome at the marriage ceremony. Those who are less of a human, and more of a social animal can withdraw… ”

      THIS IS THE BEST AND MOST CORRECT OPTION

  54. Ruhi August 24, 2012 at 6:21 am #

    I had a very similar story..my boyfriend…better to say my Ex boyfriend..he proposed me and followed me for 6 months and said everything to make me say yes…did all kind of promises…after getting convinced n even after meeting his parents i said yes..after 3 years he just simply said one day my father isn’t ready you must leave me now..after having intimate relationship with a girl they do like this. I really don’t know what to do with these kind of people…They maintain double standards…its a shame for them if there son marries a girl from other caste…but its not a matter of concern that they are ruining a girl’s life…from past 1 year I am in so much in pain but they never ever called me to say one sorry. They even blamed me for everything that i should have kept different options before deciding to get married to their son. Sometimes I want to forgive them..that I am doing from past 1 year. They did this with the girlfriend of their elder son as well and get hi married to a girl of their choice. Sometimes I think I should tell them all the truth that it was their son who came to me begging for love not me. And it was him who slept with me and whenever i wanted to leave he said he will kill himself if i did so all these 3 years. Its really strange how people can act like this. I really feel an urge to tell them the truth and give them a free advice that they should better tell this to their son before they send them to collage that in our house this isn’t acceptable and this will certainly help in saving other girl’s life. I REALLY DON;T WANT ANY OTHER GIRL TO SUFFER AS I DID.

  55. Santosh September 21, 2012 at 11:51 am #

    Hi Friends I want to ask u all something,i m going to marriage with someone which is in inter caste & my family not going to accept her please advice me what should i do please friendsssss plssss i need ur help…..

  56. Ajit January 2, 2013 at 9:31 am #

    hi friends i am ajit. iwant to marry my love whoz cast is brhmin and i am a khandayat but my parents don’t allow us for marry they strictly say that if we do so they will leave us and close all type of contact with us . our parents are litterer but still they belive in cast tradition not only my parents but also all over odisha and in allover india also. so guys plz give me some suggest…

  57. suraj qurashi April 16, 2013 at 10:39 am #

    this is really a good post.,.,.,.,we all can wash off this dirt from the society by standing along with each other.,.,.,.but unfortunately when this problem occures in one,s family they starts thinking diff…. they dont think they are a part of this huge nation they only think about theirselves,.,.,.,this is wrong very wrong i m facing this kind of problem too.,.,.and today is the day when a decision will b make about both of our lives…..keeep pray for us that everything will go best for love.,.,.,.,myself suraj

  58. Maggie Ly July 25, 2013 at 1:40 pm #

    I am happily married with two children to an Indian man who loves me very much. I’m actually Chinese and we’re both Canadians and I had no idea what the caste system was until we were married! I have to add that I am also a practicing Christian and just have the utmost love and repsect for everyone in the world regardless of caste or wealth. Anyhow, were are soulmates and it is a shame that his family treats me sub-human even though I treat them like kings and queens and follow a lot of the Indian traditions even though they don’t like to admit the Chinese values are very similar. Anyhow, it’s been five years and two beautiful children later and it’s a shame they wouldn’t get to know me a little more because of the colour of my skin. Living in Canada, my husband and I have lots of friends with inter-marriage and inter-caste and in time their families have accepted them because they see how happy they are! It’s rather funny, even with 2 degrees I wasn’t good enough! :-) I understand my situation is different but it comes down to trust. My Chinese parents have loved my husband from day 1 and trust me in all of my life decisions where his family treats him like a 5 year old who has no mind or sense of his own. We can’t imagine life without each other and I pray that the couples of India would overcome this obstacle. Many blessings to you all!

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